This episode is sponsored by Matt Herbert
Hello and welcome to Film Pro Productivity & Success, the podcast that helps film professionals and other creative people to live a more focused, effective and HAPPY life. My name is Carter Ferguson and this is EPISODE 129 – EVEN MORE TOXIC ARCHETYPES
Negative people are worse than negative occurrences. The argument is over in ten minutes - the person may hang around for years. Jeffrey Gitomer
This show is going out on Christmas Day, so if you happen to be listening today Merry Christmas – I hope you are having a very splendid holiday season. I myself am actually recording this in October as I’m trying to batch record myself a couple of months off for work reasons, so I’m not quite there yet.
In last week’s show I tried to do a quick off the cuff episode about social media, but of course it ran to something like 35 minutes long as when all was said and done, I really did have quite a lot to say.
This isn’t a special by any means but today I do cover a topic which is particularly popular in these shows. It’s 3 more toxic personality types for you to keep an eye out for. Without further ado then let’s get into it.
My whole thing is, haters are gonna hate, but haters are also going to click on your YouTube video just to watch it, so I don't really care. You helped me break the record. Even if you were watching just to hate on me, and now I hold the record, so I win. Miley Cyrus
The last time I tackled toxic archetypes I talked about The Critic - Have you ever felt judged and criticized no matter what you do? If your answer is yes then you have been in the presence of The Critic. Negative Criticism is different than advice, and that has to be recognized as having a relentless critic in your life will introduce a lot of unnecessary toxicity into it.
What I want to highlight today though is a variant of that - The critic becomes THE HATER when they actively try to destroy your reputation. These critics go further than just saying negative things about your work - one on one. They want to ensure that what they say is heard on social networks and in the comments section of your postings.
Filmmakers listening here may very well have faced haters themselves as they release their creative works onto YouTube or at festivals. I know more than one local filmmaker who has been relentlessly bullied for their work when they have done nothing less than the best they could and put their creation out into the world in the name of entertainment. I’ve had it myself when my feature was released. The audiences loved it but every amateur critic with a blog went out of their way to knock it. The audience on the other hand absolutely loved it. The run of the film was extended both at Cineworld and at the EIFF where we launched with a very rare additional screening being added to the schedule. We won the Bafta Scotland Cineworld Audience Award but if truth be told I got the impression that Bafta fucking hated us too, and was horrified when the audience vote came in.
Stopbulling.gov says that haters pick on people whom they perceive as being different from themselves. Being the focus of negative and critical comments can be upsetting and trigger feelings of anger, hurt, and confusion, and cause the person being criticized to question their self-worth and behaviour. If the negative comments are posted online, it can also make someone afraid to use their social media accounts or feel ashamed of what is happening there.
Haters, critics and naysayers. Anyone on the path to success has them and must learn to stay motivated, despite the criticism or discouragement. The Oracles
Forbes magazine gives these pieces of advice when dealing with haters:
Make criticism your fuel, not your kryptonite. I do this – I use it as a fuel to fire my drive.
Take it as a compliment. Criticism is if nothing else proof that you're bound to be wildly successful.
Remember that successful people don’t need to put others down. If you are dealing with a hater, they just don’t have what you have – but the want it.
Stick to your convictions. History is filled with examples of technological breakthroughs that were once met with resistance. When you begin to disrupt an industry, dissenters will gather. People are naturally skeptical of change and reluctant to accept things they don’t understand. Don’t let that sway you!
I give the same advice for this archetype as I give for all the others, and for trolls on social media too as it happens - Don’t give the haters the air to fan the flames of their hate and disrespect. Starve them of the oxygen of your responses and let their petty critical fires fizzle out instead.
Watch out for those types who deliberately tear other people down. One day, they will tear you down too. Nurjean Chaneco
Next up I want to highlight GOSSIP MONGERS.
If you gossip to me, chances are you gossip about me. When a someone gossips to you, especially when they say, “I’m telling you this because I trust you. DON’T TELL …” or “DON’T SAY ANYTHING…” Don’t ignore the red flag that might go up that something feels “wrong.” If this is a rare conversation with this person, it may not be gossip so much as helpful information. Sometimes, it’s very difficult to tell the difference. However, if this person continually entrusts you with “gossip” about other people, chances are you are being snared by a gossiper.
Gossipers are super interested in other people’s personal misfortunes and failures, and they love to spread this kind of “news” everywhere - even if it’s got no basis in fact. They see having a deep conversation about someone, as an exchange of information.
The things most people want to know about are usually none of their business. George Bernard Shaw
People gossip to elevate themselves above their insecurity, but there's no distinction between speculation and fact. Few things are more destructive than gossip and no matter how you look at it, spreading malicious rumours will not only hurt the subject of the gossip, it makes the gossiper look bad too.
Here are some tips from https://susanfitzell.com/gossiper-will-gossip/
Don’t take gossip personally.That is often difficult to do, however, often, it’s not about you, it’s about the gossiper.
Ask yourself, are you SURE it’s true? If you didn’t see it, hear it, or experience it first hand, you don’t really know if it’s true. Even then, we may interpret what we hear or see differently, and our interpretation could be wrong.
Even if it IS true, do you need to repeat it? Is it helping anyone to repeat the gossip?
If possible, stop the gossiper in his/her tracks. Call them on it or walk away. If they don’t have someone to listen, there is no reward in gossiping.
Act bored. Gossipers want you to be interested. Your reaction fuels their power.
Don’t participate in spreading the gossip. It can come back to haunt you.
If someone shares gossip with you, others may hound you for more details. Curiosity gets the best of people. DON’T SHARE what you heard. Keep it to yourself!
Keep your personal and professional information private. This is challenging for outgoing, talkative personalities, however, even more necessary. If the gossiper has no information, they don’t have anything to gossip about.
Be careful what you share online. So much drama starts online in social networking, text messaging and, for older generations, in email. So often, what is written can be read many different ways and consequently misinterpreted. If online gossip is blatant, ignore it or call the person out. Gossip on the internet is there “forever” and can have devastating consequences.
I try to remove myself from circles of gossip but sometimes find myself caught in one as an unwilling invitee. In that circumstance I quickly try to extricate myself from the situation as I don’t like it.
The only good thing I’d add about the gossip archetype is that they are easy to spot, so be vigilant that you don’t get sucked in by them and remember the old adage: Believe nothing of what you hear and only half of what you see.
Justice means minding one's own business and not meddling with other men's concerns. Plato
I was going to drop narcissists in here but let’s face it that needs an episode of its own. Instead, I’ll finish with a quick rundown on MEDDLERS.
Meddlers are people who get involved in the affairs of other people or insert their opinion where it doesn’t belong. I’ve known all too many of these people over the years and I really put effort into not being one myself as I really dislike them. One big lesson I have learned over the years is sometimes it’s okay to say nothing at all. I’m good with that.
Busybodies or meddlers are very common. It can be your manipulative mother or mother-in-law, judgmental friend, a nosy neighbor, or an obnoxious co-worker.
Their common characteristic is that they think they always know best and that everything is their business.
For example, an intrusive parent may be meddling in your marriage by taking sides or giving unsolicited advice. A colleague you share your creative idea with may try to hijack the idea or give you their opinion on what you need to do with it. I talk about this in my hijackers show. The thing that really gets my goat is when I am explaining what I am going to do, when all of a sudden the meddler starts using terminology like. Yeh WE should do this with it. It’s not good for creatives to be short circuited in this way.
Or, on a larger scale, one state can meddle in the affairs of another state. What makes meddlers so toxic is that they don’t respect or even see boundaries! In other words, they can’t tell where they end and another person begins.
Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it. Dane Cook
If you have someone who constantly inserts their opinion where it doesn’t belong, you need to pull them up on it, and put an end to it. As creatives you should be in a position where you can ask for an opinion, but have the absolute right to ignore it. Don’t let yourself be influenced by a meddler as you will never get rid of them, and after the fact, somewhere down the line, they’ll likely claim it was all their idea anyway.
So that’s it. The Hater, The Gossip and The Meddler. If you have one or more of them in your life, your call to action this week is to phase them out of it. That’s all.
Rather than doing a New Year Special next week I’ll just be doing a standard show. It’s going to be about prosperity consciousness. Prosperity thinking is a methodological approach to designing a world that fulfills all its beings' needs within the planet's ecological means. I’m not for or against it, but I’ll spend a little bit of time looking into it.
Before I go, I want to say that I am seeking Sponsors for the 1st 6 episodes of next year. If you are interested it is just £15 to sponsor a show. Please get in touch if you’d like to help out in that way. At the moment all moneys raised are going into google ads. Will they help? I have no idea, but I’ll do a show on it somewhere down the line.
Thanks again for joining me here today. I do appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedule to check in and listen. I’ll end today with some words from Zig Zigler who I’ve quoted from to introduce this topic many times before. He said Don’t let Negative and Toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out.
Now take control of your own destiny, keep on shootin’ and join me next time on FILM PRO PRODUCTIVITY AND SUCCESS!
The music you can hear right now is Adventures by A Himitsu and the exec producer this season is Christopher McPhillips from Artos Digital
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Season 9 Executive Producer: Christopher McPhillips from Artos Digital
2-time winners of 'Social Media Agency of the Year' at the Prestige Awards; Artos Digital specialise in marketing communications, coaching and personal branding. Owner Christopher McPhillips launched the business from his home in Bathgate and now works alongside his wife, Electra, for specialised event-management and fundraising. Enjoying a broad portfolio of clients over the years, ranging from established enterprises to start-up's - a good fit for Artos Digital given their adaptable and agile approach. Christopher and Electra have combined their talents for three significant clients this past year: Reconnect, a SCIO who run the Regal Theatre in Bathgate; Pro2 Wrestling in Ayr; and Puppet Animation Scotland in Edinburgh.
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/artos.digital
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Instagram - www.instagram.com/artos.digital
Thanks: A Himitsu Music: Adventures by A Himitsu
Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported— CC BY 3.0
Music released by Argofox https://www.youtu.be/8BXNwnxaVQE
Music provided by Audio Library https://www.youtu.be/MkNeIUgNPQ8 –––