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#169 | THE LET THEM THEORY: HOW TO STOP STRESSING ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN’T CONTROL

  • Writer: Carter Ferguson
    Carter Ferguson
  • Jul 13
  • 7 min read

This episode is sponsored by Petra Kolb

Let them judge you. Let them misunderstand you. Let them gossip about you. Their opinions aren’t your problem. Mel Robbins

In last week’s show I looked into how jealousy and grace can affect our life and work as freelancers. If you missed the show and think that’s something that you could benefit from then please go check it out.


Now, if you’ve ever spent too much time worrying about what other people think, trying to control their behaviour, or stressing over their opinions then you’re going to love this episode. What if the key to freedom was two simple words: Let them. Today, we’re diving into Mel Robbins’ ‘Let Them Theory’ and how it can change the way you approach freelancing, creativity, and life.


As creative freelancers, we're constantly bombarded with a opinions from clients, colleagues, friends, and even random individuals on social media. The desire to control others' reactions or behaviours can become overwhelming and lead to unnecessary stress, negatively impacting our creativity and overall well-being. The "Let Them Theory" presents an alternative approach by encouraging us to concentrate our energy on aspects within our control while giving up our hold on external factors.


The "Let Them Theory" is a mindset shift where you stop trying to control how other people act, think, or feel. Instead, you let them do what they want, say what they want, and think what they want—while you focus on yourself. By doing this you free yourself from the weight of other people’s opinions or behaviours and it helps you focus on what matters: your actions, your goals, and your energy.


In her own words, “The Let Them Theory is like a sigh of relief for your stressed brain. It helps you reclaim control over your anxious thoughts so that your brain and body can finally get out of survival mode and back to thriving.”


I’ve written up five examples of this in context, to show how the Let Them Theory Applies to Freelancers and Creatives.

 

1. Let Them Criticize Your Work

  • Not everyone will love what you create, and that’s okay.

  • Instead of trying to please everyone, focus on the clients, audience, or collaborators who align with your vision.

 

Example: A client doesn’t like your design. Instead of over-explaining, take the feedback professionally and let them have their opinion.

 

2. Let Them Say No

  • Not every pitch will land, and not every client will say yes.

  • Instead of taking rejection personally, see it as part of the process.

 

Example: You pitch your services to a potential client, and they say, “No thanks.” Instead of chasing them, let them say no and move on to the next opportunity.

 

3. Let Them Have Their Boundaries

  • Clients, collaborators, or friends might not always say yes to your requests or ideas—and that’s okay.

  • Respect their boundaries while holding your own.

 

Example: A client doesn’t want to expand the budget for a project. Instead of pushing, let them stick to their limits and decide if the project still works for you.

 

4. Let Them Judge You

  • People will have opinions about your career, pricing, or creative choices.

  • Instead of defending or justifying yourself, let them think what they want while staying true to your values.

 

Example: A family member questions why you’re freelancing instead of working a “real job.” Instead of arguing, let them have their opinion while you continue building your dream.

 

5. Let Them Leave

  • Not every client or collaborator is meant to stay in your life forever.

  • Letting go of a difficult client or collaborator can open up space for better opportunities.

 

Example: A long-term client moves on to another freelancer. Instead of clinging, let them go and use the space to find new, aligned clients.

 

6. Let Gossips Talk Their Talk

  • As a freelancer, you may encounter gossip or criticism that doesn’t align with your values or professional reputation.

  • Rather than engaging in gossip or trying to change people’s opinions, focus on building your own integrity and allowing your actions to speak for themselves.

 

Example: You hear rumours about your professionalism. Instead of engaging in the gossip, continue producing high-quality work, maintaining clear communication with clients, and showcasing your dedication to your craft.

The 'Let Them' philosophy isn't about ignoring problems or being complacent. It's about wisely managing your energy, choosing your battles, and understanding that you can't fix or control everything. Mel Robbins

It’s all very well for me to say this but what are the tangible benefits of practicing the let them theory? Here are 5 key reasons why adopting this attitude is a good idea.


1. Less Stress and Burnout

  • You stop wasting energy trying to control things you can’t. By redirecting your efforts towards what you actually can influence, you'll conserve your mental and emotional resources, make better decisions, and ultimately achieve greater success in your work and personal life.


2. Focus on What You Can Control

  • Instead of worrying about others, you can focus on your work, goals, and self-improvement. This mindset empowers you to take control of your life and work, ensuring continued development and achievement.


3. Emotional Freedom

  • You stop taking things personally and learn to accept people as they are. You have to accept that some people will always be difficult to deal with, whether they're gossips, stubborn, or just an asshole. By recognizing and accepting these people for who they are, you can avoid taking their behaviour personally. This helps maintain a better mindset, allowing you to preserve your energy for yourself and focus on your goals. Realising that some people simply will never change their behaviours frees you from the effort of trying to alter them, and allows you to redirect your efforts towards a more productive life and work.


4. Better Relationships

  • When you respect others’ choices and opinions, you create healthier, more balanced relationships. This approach helps to reduce conflicts and misunderstandings, ultimately creating a more harmonious environment in both personal and professional settings.

  • I’d add too, that when you let go of the need to control others' opinions, you liberate yourself from the frustration and emotional effort that often accompany your attempts.


5. More Creativity and Confidence

  • Letting go of this sort of external noise gives you the mental space to focus on your own creative work and trust your instincts. When you release your focus on others' opinions or irrelevant distractions, you create better mental space to concentrate on your own creative work.


  • By letting go of the need to control others, you develop a deeper trust in your own instincts and intuition and you become more confident in your ability to make decisions and navigate challenges, ultimately resulting in more authentic, personal and impactful work.


So let me sum up with some basic rules, to help you out here.

Step 1: Recognize What You’re Trying to Control


  • Ask yourself:

    • “Am I trying to control how this client responds to my work?”

    • “Am I trying to change someone’s opinion of me?”

    • “Am I holding on to something I should let go of?”

If the answers to any of those are yes, then work hard to let go and move on.


Step 2: Shift Your Focus


  • Instead of focusing on others, focus on yourself:

    • What can you do to improve?

    • What’s within your control?

Answer those questions, and life gets a whole lot easier.


Step 3: Practice Detachment


  • When you notice yourself getting upset or frustrated, remind yourself: Let them. 

Example: A client doesn’t respond to your email for days. Instead of stressing, let them take their time and move on to what you can do next. I’ve had a rough time dealing with an editor on a project I’m attached to in the last few days. They are deliberately trying to mess me about by not relaying when and if they have actually do anything, forcing me into a position where I have to constantly chase them up. I’ve put the whole thing aside for now, so that I can get on with what’s important to me, and not get caught up in their nonsense by constantly checking in, only to be annoyed or disappointed.


Step 4: Set Boundaries


  • Letting others do what they want doesn’t mean you sacrifice your boundaries.

Following up on my last example, I have decided that if I don’t hear from the editor, I am not going to check up on what they have or have not done. My boundary is that I will only respond when I am asked to. I am not going to look at what has been done, unless they tell me something has been done.


Step 5: Trust Yourself


Letting go of control means trusting that you’re capable of handling whatever happens. Imagine you're a designer facing a client who isn't satisfied with your work. Rather than resisting their feedback, you trust your ability to adapt. You stay professional, listen to their concerns, and create a new design that aligns with their vision. By letting go of control, you demonstrate resilience, foster trust, and navigate the situation effectively.

The key takeaway from today's episode is to recognise that you cannot control others, but you have the power to shape your own responses and actions. By adopting the Let Them Theory, you free yourself from unnecessary stress, redirecting your energy towards the elements of your life that truly matter: your aspirations, your own creative endeavours, and your inner harmony.


Let me urge you to embrace the freedom that comes with letting go, because ultimately, the "Let Them Theory" empowers us to protect our mental and emotional resources, paving the way for increased productivity, well-being, and success in our creative pursuits.


Your call to action this week: Reflect on a stressor that's beyond your control, and consider how you can reframe your focus to prioritise self-empowerment. What can you do to shift your energy towards what truly matters to you, while letting others be who they are?


Find a way to let go, and refocus your time, your energy and your patience, back on yourself by applying some of the guidance from today’s episode.


Remember, when you stop trying to control others, you free yourself to focus on what truly matters.


In next week’s show I’ll be talking about Taking Action, getting stuff done, and as always comes up when people write in to me, about dealing with anything that could be classed as procrastination. A truly classic productivity topic.


If you found today's episode engaging or insightful, I would truly appreciate your support! By subscribing, leaving a review, and sharing the podcast with your network, you'll help build a community of like-minded individuals who value personal and professional growth.


Let me end today with some words from Penny Reid who said “You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.”

Now take control of your own destiny, keep on shooting and join me next time on Film Pro Productivity and Success

 

The Let Them Theory

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© 2018 Carter Ferguson - Film Pro Productivity

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