186 | STOP OVERSHARING & KEEP YOUR POWDER DRY

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Last week, I talked about six lessons creatives can learn from Warren Buffett. He’s an American investor and businessman who’s been at the top of his game for decades. He runs Berkshire Hathaway and is known for making a small number of big decisions, ignoring noise, and letting results compound over a very long time.

I looked at Buffett because he’s spent decades operating inside systems that punish impulsive decisions and reward patience, clarity, and restraint. And if you’re a creative trying to stay productive long-term, those are exactly the skills that tend to disappear when things start sliding.

One of the first places that loss of restraint shows up isn’t in the work itself, it’s in how quickly we start talking about it.

When you’re stalled or uncertain, talking can feel like movement. It feels like progress, even when nothing has actually changed.

And I get it. When I’m uncertain, I want the uncertainty to stop. When I’m frustrated, I want the pressure to ease quickly. When something feels unfair, I want someone else to confirm that I’m not mad for feeling it.

I’ve said many times before on this show that one of the most difficult things about being a creative is that there is no blueprint for our life or work. That in itself puts us in an ever-present state of uncertainty.

So, we talk. We explain. We narrate. And we “process” out loud and sometimes for all to hear.

And sometimes it helps. But a lot of the time, it creates a new kind of loose end. A social loose end. A relational loose end. A professional loose end. Now there are other people holding pieces of my unfinished ideas and that in itself creates new forms of pressure that can affect me.

The absolute worst thing that happens creatively in this line is it can attract hijackers. People that somewhere down the line - and this has happened to me numerous times and Ive mentioned it in a few shows already this season but it is a thing that doesn’t get talked about very often - will crawl out of the woodwork and try to take some form of ownership over our work and our ideas. 99 times out of 100 these people will have made no impact on what you are doing. The ones that do make impact - I make sure that I mention – I credit them. The ones that credit themselves, have not helped.

A few years ago I went through a list of ideas for films and other projects that I created, and I removed every single one of them that I felt had been tainted by people who would crawl out of the woodwork later on and try to take ownership.

These were 100% my projects, my ideas, my films, but they were displaced in ownership because I felt that the people I had invited on board, far too early on in their development, would never let them proceed and complete without me being left with egg on my face, my reputation damaged or myself out of picket. An example is a documentary project I invited others in. One asked for a collaboration agreement that I made up and spent a vast amount of time on – a fair enough request I felt – then the other refused to sign it.

At that stage I knew the project was effed up so I removed myself from it. Other things I dealt with were largely film ideas I have had that got hijacked by others.

I also began writing two features with other people but released myself from those projects as I couldn’t carry those projects forward without an insane amount of work on my part, with potentially little to show for it ownership wise at the end.

On one of them I was writing every word, I was taking notes, I was doing all of it and I’d come back to the next session and the other guy would go - nah I’ve changed my mind about that it should be this and then they’d look at me to re write it. I abandoned it because I felt like a secretary, with my time, energy and creative input flowing one wat and little or nothing flowing the other way.

The truth is that, according to some research, up to 4% of the people out there and its particularly notable in the creative world, are sociopaths that will take, take, take and never give back. Be very aware of this the next time you decide to confide in someone you don’t really know that well.

WHAT OVERSHARING REALLY IS

Oversharing is usually not about honesty. It’s about relief.

There’s research on emotional disclosure that shows something I think we all recognise. When people share a stressful experience with someone else, it can bring immediate relief. You feel lighter. The story becomes more manageable because it’s not trapped inside you anymore.

But that relief does not automatically create long-term resolution. It’s a short-term drop in pressure, not a finished plan. It’s an exhale, not a decision.

There’s also research on what’s called social sharing of emotion, and the point is simple. After emotional events, most people feel a strong drive to tell someone. Quickly. It’s a human thing. We’re wired to offload and make sense of feelings through other people.

That’s normal. The trouble starts when we confuse “I feel better because I talked” with “I am better because I talked.”

WHY CREATIVES TALK TOO SOON

In creative fields, work and identity tend to blur. Projects are rarely just tasks. They carry personal investment, emotional risk, financial pressure, and a sense of self-worth. As a result, instability in the work often feels personal rather than professional.

So, oversharing becomes a coping response.

Talking early can feel like control - clarifying intent, managing perception, staying ahead of potential criticism. But when ideas are shared before they’re settled, or concerns before they’re validated, the act isn’t clarity. It’s regulation.

What looks like openness is often anxiety seeking relief.

WHEN SHARING BECOMES A TRAP

There’s another piece of research that matters here, and it’s about something called co-rumination. That’s when people repeatedly talk through problems in a way that keeps the emotional heat alive.

It can create closeness. It can feel bonding. But it can also increase stress, and it’s associated with more anxiety and depressive symptoms in certain contexts.

In plain English, if I keep talking about the same problem, with the same intensity, to the same people, I am not always solving it. Sometimes I am rehearsing it.

And rehearsing something is powerful. It helps us feel more in control.

But oversharing doesn’t just leak information. It can also lock us into a mood.

And moods drive decisions.

You have the power to refuse to take part in the oppression Olympics. Avoid them if you can. Even if they feel comfortable.

THE PROFESSIONAL COST NOBODY TALKS ABOUT

Once something is out, it is out. Context fades, but words remain.

Even if nobody means harm, people remember what you said more than why you said it. They remember the headline version. They remember the tone. They remember the uncertainty.

And that changes how they relate to you.

If I tell someone I’m not sure about a direction, they might decide I’m not sure in general. If I vent about a client, they might quietly file me under “potentially difficult”. If I share that I’m burnt out, people might stop offering opportunities - not out of cruelty, but out of caution.

Information becomes leverage. Not always used against you. But always available.

That’s the bit creatives hate to admit. We want to believe everything lives in a moral world. But work lives in an incentive driven world.

And incentives change.

So, what felt safe to share yesterday can become limiting tomorrow, simply because it exists.

THE EMOTIONAL CONFUSION

Sharing isn’t inherently bad. There’s solid research showing that accurately naming an emotion can reduce its intensity. Putting a clear label on a feeling can calm the nervous system and create distance from the reaction.

But that process is internal.

Labelling a feeling is regulation. Broadcasting it is release. One creates space to think. The other hands the emotion to the room and accepts whatever comes back.

Those two things often get confused but lets be clear - they aren’t the same.

This is also why the first thing a lawyer tells you to do is to keep your mouth shut. Not because you’re hiding something, but because every unnecessary word becomes material. It can be misquoted, reframed, taken out of context, or used against you later in ways you never intended. Silence preserves options. Speech collapses them. Once something is said, you don’t control where it goes, how it’s interpreted, or who carries it forward. Oversharing works the same way in everyday life. You think you’re being open, but you’re often just creating evidence of a momentary state you won’t stand by later. And future-you is the one who pays for that.

WHAT TO DO INSTEAD

This is where the phrase keep your powder dry earns its place.

That was the prompt for this episode: a conversation with media pro friend Ross Gerry, who reminded you of the term and the episode based on it that was already in the notes.

For those who are unaware - the phrase keep your powder dry comes from the era of muskets and early firearms, when gunpowder had to be kept dry to be usable. If your powder got wet, your weapon was useless.

It later became associated with Oliver Cromwell, who reportedly advised his troops to “trust in God, but keep your powder dry,” meaning: stay prepared, hold your fire, and don’t waste your ability to act before it actually matters.

Keeping your powder dry isn’t silence as a personality. It’s restraint as a strategy.

Even in warfare, you don’t empty everything at once. A ship firing a broadside only fires one side – the other side remains loaded. Firepower is kept in reserve. Oversharing does the opposite. It spends everything early, shows your full hand, and leaves you with nothing left if the situation shifts.

Keeping your powder dry means holding something back until you know what actually needs firing, and even THEN, not giving it all away.

It means you don’t fire everything the moment you feel it. You don’t use other people as an emotional drainpipe. You don’t trade future flexibility for present relief.

It means letting the first wave pass before you speak.

You can take the heat out of the feeling privately first. Write it down. Go for a walk. Talk to one trusted person who understands context and keeps their mouth shut. Sleep on it.

Then - if it still matters - decide what to share, who to share it with, and when.

 That delay isn’t about avoidance. It’s calibration.

Keeping your powder dry means you stay capable. It means that when you do speak, you’re not reacting - you’re choosing. You are speaking from clarity, not panic. From decision, not emotion.

This isn’t about mistrusting people. It’s about respecting time.

Because time changes the shape of things. It clarifies what’s signal and what’s noise. And once something is said, time can’t take it back.

If time changes everything, then oversharing is giving away power before you even know what power you’ll need.

WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE IN REAL LIFE

• It looks like not narrating the whole story while the story is still being written.

• It looks like letting silence exist in a conversation without filling it.

• It looks like not over explaining myself just because someone asks a question.

• It looks like taking a beat before replying to a message that spikes my heart rate.

• It looks like being careful about “honesty” when what I really mean is “please reassure me”.

• An it looks like not oversharing to justify why you want to do something that you want to do.

• It looks like remembering that a lot of people don’t need the full picture to do their job, and they definitely don’t need your raw feelings in real time.

THE TURN IN THE ROAD

This is the distinct change I want you to hear.

• Oversharing is what I do when I’m trying to feel better right now.

• Keeping my powder dry is what I do when I’m trying to stay effective later.

One is about immediate comfort. The other is about future position.

And creatives need position.

We need energy. We need options. We need room to manoeuvre when the job shifts, when the client shifts, when the budget shifts, when the director shifts, when the entire thing pivots in a way nobody predicted.

• If I’ve already spilled everything, I have nothing left to work with.

• If I keep my powder dry, I can respond instead of react.

SHARING IS NOT THE ENEMY

I want to be clear about something, because this can get misread. This isn’t a call to never share. It isn’t a call to become shut down, guarded, or emotionally unavailable. That’s not strength. That’s just a different kind of mess.

The point is that sharing is a tool, not a reflex. And like any tool, it works when it’s used on purpose. The right person, the right time, the right amount, for the right reason.

There’s a difference between speaking to connect and speaking to discharge. Between asking for support and asking for instant relief. Between confiding in someone who understands context and broadcasting your raw internal state into whatever room you happen to be standing in.

Sometimes you absolutely should talk. Sometimes the smartest move is to say, “I’m not OK with this,” or “I need clarity,” or “This isn’t working.” But it lands differently when you’ve done your own first pass privately and you’re choosing your words, instead of being dragged along by the emotion of the moment.

So no, this isn’t about silence forever. It’s about not handing away your power by speaking too early.

SUMMING IT UP

Oversharing feels like honesty, but it often behaves like a trap. It gives you short-term relief, but it can create long-term obligations, misunderstandings, loss of control and ownership, and unfinished business that lives in other people’s heads.

Keeping your powder dry isn’t about being cold. It’s about being wise with your energy. It’s about timing. It’s about protecting your ability to change your mind without drama, to pivot without apology, and to finish what you start without dragging a trail of emotional debris behind you.

CALL TO ACTION

This week, pay attention to how often oversharing happens online.

• The post you start writing while you’re annoyed.

• The story you upload because you feel something and don’t want to sit with it.

• The TikTok that’s really a reaction, not a decision.

Before you hit send, ask one question: is this for now, or is this for later?

If it’s for later, keep it back. Close the app. Save the draft. Let the first wave pass. Decide what you actually mean when the heat’s gone.

Then - if it still matters - share it on purpose, not on impulse.

• Notice the conversations where you talk yourself into a corner.

• The meetings where you say more than you meant to.

• The messages you send because silence feels uncomfortable.

Pause there. Let the moment pass. Get clear first.

Then speak - deliberately, to the right person, at the right time.

That’s keeping your powder dry.

Next week I’m talking about bean soup theory - the habit of taking something that clearly isn’t for you and trying to bend it around yourself, whether that’s online, with clients, or even in your own decision making - and if that idea hits a nerve, tune in next week and I’ll show you exactly how to spot it and stop it.

Thanks for listening. I know your time matters, and I appreciate you spending a part of it here with me. If something in this episode stuck, take it with you and see how it plays out over the week and share the episode with a couple of friends. Word of mouth is still this my most powerful ally with this podcast.

Now, take control of your own destiny. Keep on shootin’ and join me next time on FILM PRO PRODUCTIVITY!

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Research basis consulted (for the behavioural points above, not as on-air citations): emotional disclosure and short-term relief effects ; social sharing of emotion prevalence ; co-rumination links to internalising symptoms and stress responses ; affect labelling reducing emotional reactivity .